Remembering Warren
One year ago today was Warren’s memorial service. Not feeling like doing much, I decided to be slow today, to just read and write and go for a walk. This afternoon I was reading a book a poems I brought with me, and came across John Updike’s poem, Perfection Wasted. This part caught my attention:
And another regrettable thing about death
is the ceasing of your own brand of magic,
which took a whole life to develop.
Warren was magic! And I don’t want us to forget that magic. I haven’t written much about Warren on this blog. It’s still painful, and very hard to put my emotions into words. But when I log on to the stat counter and see the number of people who are regularly checking this site (thanks for that), I feel that perhaps, in addition to sharing travel stories, this is a good venue for keeping the memory of Warren alive. That’s really very important to me. I don’t want any of us to forget Warren’s “own brand of magic.”
So, in addition to sharing accounts of my experiences here in Africa, I want to also (perhaps weekly) share something about Warren, or about how I miss him, or about...I don’t know. I’m not exactly sure what form it will take just yet. Just some type of remembrance.
‘WARREN SONGS’
Perhaps for starters I will share a little ritual I have developed since arriving in Africa. After the accident, my good friend Carla made me several CDs with songs that have helped me through some of the worst moments. Thank you for that Carla.
I lean on those songs heavily now. I can’t imagine how I would be handling this trip without my iPod, without the immediate connection I feel with Warren whenever I turn on my “Warren songs.”
There are 25 Warren songs in total. I actually have several thousand songs on my iPod, but I have yet to listen to any songs other than the ‘Warren songs’. I listen to them over and over. I never tire of them.
Here Without You
I start virtually every day by listening to the song “Here Without You” by Three Doors Down. The lyrics are comforting to me, as they give voice to exactly how I feel about being all the way over here in Africa, all alone and without my Warren. If you don’t know the song, here are the lyrics:
-A hundred days have made me older since the last time that I saw your pretty face. A thousand lies have made me colder and I don't think I can look at this the same. But all the miles that separate disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face.
-I'm here without you baby, but you're still on my lonely mind. I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time. I'm here without you baby, but you're still with me in my dreams. And tonight it's only you and me.
-The miles just keep rollin' as the people leave their way to say hello. I've heard this life is overrated, but I hope that it gets better as we go.
-I'm here without you baby, but you're still on my lonely mind. I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time. I'm here without you baby, but you're still with me in my dreams. And tonight it’s only you and me.
-Everything I know, and anywhere I go, it gets hard but it won’t take away my love. And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done, it gets hard but it won’t take away my love.
-I'm here without you baby, but you're still on my lonely mind. I think about you baby, and I dream about you all the time. I'm here without you baby, but you're still with me in my dreams. And tonight it’s only you and me.
The Promise
Of all the songs, the most important one to me is “The Promise” by Tracy Chapman. Warren and I didn’t have a particular song that was ‘our song’ when he was alive, but we do now. Whenever the panic washes over me, this song helps. It reminds me that I just need to be patient. Here are the lyrics:
-If you wait for me, then I'll come for you. Although I've traveled far, I always hold a place for you in my heart.
-If you think of me, if you miss me once in awhile, then I'll return to you. I'll return and fill that space in your heart.
-Remembering, your touch, your kiss, your warm embrace. I'll find my way back to you, if you'll be waiting.
-If you dream of me like I dream of you, in a place that's warm and dark, in a place where I can feel the beating of your heart.
-Remembering, your touch, your kiss, your warm embrace. I'll find my way back to you, if you'll be waiting.
-I've longed for you and I have desired to see your face, your smile, to be with you wherever you are.
-Remembering, your touch, your kiss, your warm embrace. I'll find my way back to you. Please say you'll be waiting.
-Together again, it would feel so good to be in your arms, where all my journeys end. If you can make a promise, if it's one that you can keep, I vow to come for you if you wait for me.
-And say you'll hold a place for me in your heart.
I'll spare you the lyrics of all 25 songs, though I reserve the 'right' to post lyrics of other Warren songs at a later date. :) That's the beauty of having your own blog.
It occurs to me that perhaps these Remembering Warren entries might come off as corny or sentimental sometimes. But, I'll risk it. It makes me feel really good knowing that, in some small way, I can keep Warren's memory alive in each of us.
And another regrettable thing about death
is the ceasing of your own brand of magic,
which took a whole life to develop.
Warren was magic! And I don’t want us to forget that magic. I haven’t written much about Warren on this blog. It’s still painful, and very hard to put my emotions into words. But when I log on to the stat counter and see the number of people who are regularly checking this site (thanks for that), I feel that perhaps, in addition to sharing travel stories, this is a good venue for keeping the memory of Warren alive. That’s really very important to me. I don’t want any of us to forget Warren’s “own brand of magic.”
So, in addition to sharing accounts of my experiences here in Africa, I want to also (perhaps weekly) share something about Warren, or about how I miss him, or about...I don’t know. I’m not exactly sure what form it will take just yet. Just some type of remembrance.
‘WARREN SONGS’
Perhaps for starters I will share a little ritual I have developed since arriving in Africa. After the accident, my good friend Carla made me several CDs with songs that have helped me through some of the worst moments. Thank you for that Carla.
I lean on those songs heavily now. I can’t imagine how I would be handling this trip without my iPod, without the immediate connection I feel with Warren whenever I turn on my “Warren songs.”
There are 25 Warren songs in total. I actually have several thousand songs on my iPod, but I have yet to listen to any songs other than the ‘Warren songs’. I listen to them over and over. I never tire of them.
Here Without You
I start virtually every day by listening to the song “Here Without You” by Three Doors Down. The lyrics are comforting to me, as they give voice to exactly how I feel about being all the way over here in Africa, all alone and without my Warren. If you don’t know the song, here are the lyrics:
-A hundred days have made me older since the last time that I saw your pretty face. A thousand lies have made me colder and I don't think I can look at this the same. But all the miles that separate disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face.
-I'm here without you baby, but you're still on my lonely mind. I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time. I'm here without you baby, but you're still with me in my dreams. And tonight it's only you and me.
-The miles just keep rollin' as the people leave their way to say hello. I've heard this life is overrated, but I hope that it gets better as we go.
-I'm here without you baby, but you're still on my lonely mind. I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time. I'm here without you baby, but you're still with me in my dreams. And tonight it’s only you and me.
-Everything I know, and anywhere I go, it gets hard but it won’t take away my love. And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done, it gets hard but it won’t take away my love.
-I'm here without you baby, but you're still on my lonely mind. I think about you baby, and I dream about you all the time. I'm here without you baby, but you're still with me in my dreams. And tonight it’s only you and me.
The Promise
Of all the songs, the most important one to me is “The Promise” by Tracy Chapman. Warren and I didn’t have a particular song that was ‘our song’ when he was alive, but we do now. Whenever the panic washes over me, this song helps. It reminds me that I just need to be patient. Here are the lyrics:
-If you wait for me, then I'll come for you. Although I've traveled far, I always hold a place for you in my heart.
-If you think of me, if you miss me once in awhile, then I'll return to you. I'll return and fill that space in your heart.
-Remembering, your touch, your kiss, your warm embrace. I'll find my way back to you, if you'll be waiting.
-If you dream of me like I dream of you, in a place that's warm and dark, in a place where I can feel the beating of your heart.
-Remembering, your touch, your kiss, your warm embrace. I'll find my way back to you, if you'll be waiting.
-I've longed for you and I have desired to see your face, your smile, to be with you wherever you are.
-Remembering, your touch, your kiss, your warm embrace. I'll find my way back to you. Please say you'll be waiting.
-Together again, it would feel so good to be in your arms, where all my journeys end. If you can make a promise, if it's one that you can keep, I vow to come for you if you wait for me.
-And say you'll hold a place for me in your heart.
I'll spare you the lyrics of all 25 songs, though I reserve the 'right' to post lyrics of other Warren songs at a later date. :) That's the beauty of having your own blog.
It occurs to me that perhaps these Remembering Warren entries might come off as corny or sentimental sometimes. But, I'll risk it. It makes me feel really good knowing that, in some small way, I can keep Warren's memory alive in each of us.